Sometimes my son does something wrong and I have to correct his behaviour.
Sometimes he`ll go too far and I really have to start laying down the law.
But sometimes he does something that is so unbelievably stupid that I stare open mouthed in total disbelief - unable to draw breath, never mind get angry.
The whole world seems to behave more like this every day and as I get older I seem to spend more and more time with that `Whaaaaaaat!` expression on my face.
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once made the point that if Martians were watching dog owners walking behind their pets with a pooper-scooper in one hand and a plastic bag in the other, they would reasonably assume that it was the dog that was in charge.
Kinda sums it up for me.
I sometimes think the lunatics are running the asylum. Maybe they are.
Last week, at an auction at Sotheby`s, an `investor` paid a cool £9.65 million for what appeared to be Damien Hirst`s medicine cabinet.
The ultimate buyer was just one of many who were interested in this `masterpiece` and, although bidding started a little over £2 million, there were enough people interested to see the price rise to a figure that clearly met with the artist`s approval. Particularly as he has another two almost identical ones tucked away in his garage.
The stainless steel cabinet, one of four he has made, contains pills and capsules neatly arranged behind a glass sliding door. Apparently this is art, an area I know very little about.
Since the cabinet and pills cannot be worth much more than, what, five hundred quid or so, I can only assume that it is Hirst`s ability to actually arrange these pills in an interesting and visually exciting way, that make the finished work worth a little bit more.
Clearly I am a complete philistine when it comes to these matters and so, to give you a better appreciation of this work I have to quote Sotheby`s sales brochure, which says `Standing before the pristine, clinical cabinet, the beholder is mesmerised in a kaleidoscopic display of complex colour harmonies`.
The first of Hirst`s four cabinets sold for a mere £3.7 million, but that one only had predominantly white pills in it.
Oooh no. Clearly this second version, what with the coloured pills and everything, was well worth the extra £6 million.
I only hope that the van delivering the work of art doesn`t brake too heavily because if ever those pills get mixed up heaven only knows what it would do the value of this prized possession. Maybe for another £9m Hirst would pop round and put the pills back in their rightful places.
I have to take my hat off to Hirst. How he must chuckle when he goes to bed at night. I am sure he is a very nice chap and who can blame him for taking the money? (This is the guy who shot to fame when he pickled half a shark and some idiot allegedly gave him £6 million for his efforts).
No doubt Hirst feels a little awkward about receiving such huge sums of money for items that have so little intrinsic value. As a result he has now made a diamond-encrusted skull which has more jewels than the Queen`s Coronation Crown. The problem with this is the actual cost of production is a lot higher than when you use dead sharks or the contents of your bathroom cabinet. As a result Hirst has been obliged to ask for £50 million for this one just to make sure the old profit margins don`t take a hit. I think this guy`s got it sussed.
How he must laugh as he switches off the bedside light each night (although I suspect if he wakes up with a headache, the cupboard is a little bare right now).
Is it me or has the world gone bonkers?
The problem is, with so much money sloshing around I guess people just don`t know what to do with it all.
Despite a labour government (Oh no, not again -Ed), the difference between rich and poor is now greater than at any time since the 1980s, according to research by the Financial Times.
16 years ago, an income of £57,000 would have put you in the top 1 per cent of earners in the UK. By 2004 you would have needed more than £117,000 to make the grade. Average salaries over the same period only increased by a little over 50 per cent, from £10,600 to £16,400. Wage slaves take note.
We may all be wearing designer labels on our t-shirts but clearly there is a big difference between our bank statements each month.
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