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The only way to pull off an afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot', he shouted..

A few moments passed . 'An ambulance just drove by'

A few moments later, 'Looks like the Anderson's have company', he called ut.

'Matt's riding a new bike.....'

A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving'

'Jason is on his skate board....'

A few more moments, 'The Coopers are having intimacy!!'

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously asked, 'How do you know they are having intimacy?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too.'

Lawyers should never ask a southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know Him.'
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.'